Solitude

I am trying to be purposefully antisocial this month but already it is starting to fail miserably. The temperatures are dropping and this is the time to embrace working on yourself, saving money and cooking at home. I tell myself these things but I am not sure if I will adhere to them as strictly as I need to be doing. This month I have made it a priority to drink less, buy less, work out more, ad talk about honest revelations more and cut down on things that no longer serve a purpose to me. This weekend was filled with a lot of looking through my closet and seeing what can do. i am sure these clothes will fit someone else way more than they fit me anymore. I no longer fit the mold of who I used ot be in so many different huge and small ways, and I don’t want to be that girl anymore anyway.

It is almost funny how much I used to run away from solitude like a wayward lover. Now I embrace its small, warming embrace; the sound of my light footsteps in my small Brooklyn apartment, the way Saturday and Sunday warm me like a sweet kiss waking me up with its day of endless possibility. I go to Chicago next weekend, a place I do not know much of and have never been to, but I am aching for new experiences this year and going a new place seems like it will be a good start.

 

I may have some time to do some things alone during this time, but I am mostly going to see a friend. It has been over two years since we saw each other last but everytime we speak, it is as though no time has gone by. Many stressful things happened today- but I am trying to keep my cool this new year, and stop fraying at the edges. It is a cruel fate to have so much work sometimes that you are not sure how all of it will be completed but I am so grateful that everyday I get the chance to do something I really love. I am trying to set some realistic goals, and also trying to keep alone time a priority this month. I just feel more alive and rejuvenated when I have that on the docket. Funny how i used to hate the sound of my own breath in the room, and now the thgouht of being alone for the day is just so deliciously tempting.

Funny how people just simply change.

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