Having both


Everything I’ve ever written and said about being single is true.

I like being alone. I like doing what I want. I like my freedom, my independence, my non-reliance on other people. I like cooking for 1 and drinking wine on a Tuesday and flirting with strangers. I cherish this time knowing that I am learning about myself. That being 26 and just being and living alone is an experience I will be so glad I’ve had. That I am so glad to have. Right now.

But that doesn’t mean it doesn’t suck.

Some nights you want to come home, kick off your shoes and snuggle up to someone on the couch. You want to hear another voice in the kitchen instead of your iphone singing a playlist. You want a text good morning, good night, or just a thinking about you message. You want to feel that feeling that your stomach is dropping on a roller coaster because of the mention of a name, or a casual glance. You want to roll over in the middle of the night and feel the familiarity of an arm around you.

You want to hold your breath as you walk into a restaurant knowing that someone is there. You want to know you have plans on a Saturday night because you have someone.

And your friends and family say they “don’t worry about you” that you will find someone and they’ll be amazing and better than you’d hoped and that your independence is an asset. That you have time and you’re young and everything happens like it should.

But you sometimes look in the mirror and wonder if they’re wrong. That you’re wrong. That every wonderful quality you think you have is skewed and you must be doing something that isn’t right because you are alone. And your friends and people you went to college with and coworkers all seem to have wonderful people that they are moving in with and getting engaged to and marrying.

And part of you feels like you’re missing the boat. That you’re being left behind.

So you truck along and go to parties and paint your nails. You put on a new dress and dance with your girlfriends. You plan trips and giggle on the phone at night and sigh as you look around your apartment and you are genuinely, really happy with life.

Because being single is awesome.

But that doesn’t mean it doesn’t suck.


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