Archive for June, 2014

June 23, 2014

Big Changes and Moving

New York has been amazing and terrible sometimes, and awesome most of the time. It has been unbelievably new and also incredibly stagnant, and it has made me question everything, while being so sure at the same time. It is hands down the best and the worst thing that has ever happened to me. It is the best because now I know how great a city can be, what it can offer and how a place like this truly makes sure that you never stop wondering, and you never stop learning.

It is the worst place also because never have I felt so alone in a crowd of people, and everywhere you look, there is so much going on yet no one seems to pay attention to what you are doing. I am in the midst of the horrible and dreaded NYC APARTMENT HUNT, and it is uncertain, frustrating, and definitely time consuming. I am so excited about the possibility for a new space and a new slate, but unsure where that place is, and uncertainty isn’t the best for a planner like me. My space now has long since stopped feeling like home, and it has too much history in it for me to love it.

The event I spent hours working on at work went perfectly except for the venue’s responsibilities, but everyone had an amazing time. I met a ton of people at work who I never really interact with, and we got nothing but positive feedback for those we threw the party for. The sunset and sky were beautiful that night, and I really was so proud of myself. I got involved in new projects at work now that they saw what I was capable of throwing, and it was great to have that moment of accomplishment. I am now planning some more events for the company, and throwing myself into it. Everyday there is an opportunity to make yourself better. The personal patterns I have still have translated at the workplace, and I still have a hard time saying no, but I am working harder to have a better work life balance.

The best things that have happened so far for me haven’t been planned though, and I can only live in this moment for now. I read somewhere that if you are truly living in the moment and not worrying about the past or the future, then you are truly happy. I am trying to make this a reality in my daily life now. I am disappointed in myself – the strong spine I used to carry myself with has disappeared the last couple months, and I need to bring the same confident girl back. I still have most aspects of her at work or when I am with new people, but I do feel pretty insecure and vulnerable around those I know right now. Probably because they know I am trying pretty hard to keep the strong face on.

Anyway, wish me good luck in apartment hunting this week! Trying to stay positive and invite love and light back into my life, slowly but surely.