This Weekend

I am going to make these chocolate peanut butter bars.

I am going to use the facemask I bought for a dollar from this store made with egg whites.

Really loving the restaurant suggestions in this guide. Must explore.

Going to this gallery.

Making this foccacia -first bread attempt!

The beginning of this week was a somewhat rougher start. It started out fabulously with this great discussion we had in the new book club I joined, I met some new people, which has definitely bothered me that is not more of a regular thing, and I got to hang out with some really awesome people discussing a really cool book (we read As Nature Made Him by John Colapinto which is about a set of twins and discovering whether nature or nurture has more of a role in gender roles) and ended with me being anxious about some of the things I have participated in recently and identifying patterns. I moved to New York City for a fulfilled life where there are a million activities for me to partake in no matter the day, time, or location. NYC is one of the better locations for that since most of us that move here have the same idea. However, I don’t think I take advantage as often as I should. While it is awesome to stay in during the weekends, I somehow feel as though my time here is limited. This could be true, as it is a very expensive place to live and sustain a life, but more so in the fact that I have never been the type of person that enjoys lying in bed all day. I love being out and about. In the jumble of moving here and getting settled, and making enough money to really enjoy my time here, I stopped searching for things that really matter to me. I love my life now the way it is, but I am one of those people that does seek to always better her circumstances. I think I would get more cultural capital from gallery hopping or going to a library for most of the day on a Saturday then I do currently. My weeks are usually so jam packed and busy that sitting in my bed sometimes is actually really refreshing. Maybe what has gotten stale is that I resolved to put myself more out there this year, and that hasn’t been happening with enough regularity. While I am so proud of myself for leaving something familiar and moving to a bigger, badder place, there are still parts of my life that I could be better at and work harder in. I think that exposing myself to new things and being more inspired than I have lately will really help. Moving to NYC was the injection I needed to start being more present in my life and an active participator instead of being passive. The disturbing revelation that I do cater more to other people bothers me, and more so than I expected it would. While I have always known that it makes me severely uncomfortable to see other people uncomfortable at my expense, it bothers me more that I am so active and aggressive in other parts of my life. I seek ways to be better at my job and learn more in every aspect, read more, plan trips or to travel more, find out about new bars and restaurants, research new recipes and adaptations for you guys, and I seek a lot of opportunities to meet new people. But when people don’t seem interested in something I want to do, I don’t try as hard to go do it on my own. When it comes to someone like me who loves the spotlight sometimes, it makes me very anxious when a whole plan is designed by me. This includes occasions like my birthday. I have changed my pick for a restaurant depending on the reaction of the people I invite because I feel guilty that they are spending money somewhere that they don’t want to be, even though the occasion that they are coming for is me. Last year, I had one of the worst birthdays in a long time because I listened to everyone’s opinion but my own. I resolved then and there that this would never happen again, but without fail, I let others’ preferences trounce my own. While it is admirable that I changed so many things in my life, from my fitness plan to my eating habits, there are still things mentally that I need to unpack carefully and take plans for action. It is not as simple as: I have a guilt complex that dominates a lot of my decision making, catering to others, and this must change immediately.  The revelation hit me like a ton of bricks, and it is definitely because of my really insightful roommate/best friend, but his words are very accurate, and disturbingly haunting. For someone who prides herself on doing as much as possible and never wasting time, I feel extremely behind. I took action on this immediately, crystallizing the bar and restaurant lists that I have tucked onto post-its and hidden in journals, and decided that even if I can’t find people to do this with me, it is fine. NYC is a perfectly amazing place to do whatever you want, and you don’t need others to do so. The city can be your partner.

Here’s to independence guys. I am not compromising all the way anymore. And I really hope that if you resounded with my experience and with what I just said, you take steps to change this behavior too.




One Comment to “This Weekend”

  1. This post provides clear idea for the new people of blogging, that truly how to
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